Recently, we got notification of an inspection coming up since we rent. Inspections are annoying but it’s cool, it’s a part of renting. Our biggest issue is that every inspection, we have a new Property Manager which means, we have to explain that “yes, we have a cat”, “those cracks in the walls were there before we moved in”, “the patio has been falling apart since we moved in and we’ve raised the safety issue with you before but it’s gone no where since the property manager looking after it has left” etc. etc.

But this time round, I’m also in the middle of cleaning out my wardrobe and I discovered something.

I have so many dresses!

I have so many dresses that I don’t remember purchasing.

This led to an interesting conversation with Nick over it. How did I end up with so much in my wardrobe? I certainly don’t wear dresses a lot to warrant the amount I have.

We did actually come up with a realistic answer in the end.

Before I started working for myself, before Nick moved on to a new job, both of us were in high paying jobs with little joy. We would travel, and purchase things because everyone knows that material purchases can make you instanteously happier for a short while.

In a way, we screwed ourselves over without realising it.

The money spent on the items, could have gone into savings… we could have had a suitable deposit saved up for looking at purchasing our own house, or paid off our loans or something other than having a heap of items in my wardrobe that I don’t recall having!

But at the same time, it brought us a small joy, a small escape from the anxiety and loathing that we were feeling without necessarily realising it. And looking back at that time, I know I needed any of the happiness that I could get to maintain some ownership of my feelings.

So where does that leave me?

I’m having fun finding items again, working out which ones can be brought into my daily wardrobe options. I’m looking at it as going shopping all over again without having to pay for the items! But I am also looking at items which can be donated, thrown cause they have holes beyond repair or ones which I could sell. Eventually, I’ll do a sale on eBay or hold a stall at a derby bout.

But in the meantime, it’s a good lesson for us in relation to how we cope to situations that make us unhappy. Hopefully, we won’t need this coping mechanism again.

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